rodarte for target

It's a constant stream of fashion updates today at Grown-Up Shoes. Up next is Rodarte's line for Target, not yet in stores. It was actually quite difficult to track down photos, so something tells me Target is trying to keep this one a little hush-hush. But you won't tell anyone, right?

I realize the styling may be a bit much for some of you, but taken piece by piece, some of this collection is suprisingly demure. The long cardigans, bow belts, and wrist-length gloves would all look prim and proper with a cocktail dress this holiday season. I also love the bra tops and the skeleton tee. All photos from New York Magazine ( I miss you, New York Magazine).

etsy fall love

Etsy has been impressing the pants off of me lately. I feel the selection becomes more enticing and increasingly refined each time I visit. Some recent favorites...

dress
blossomsskirt

it's a romantic collection today...xo, A

behnaz sarafpour fall 2009

Remember those grey and black clothes I was telling you about? Here are some of them in their most splendid form. Coiffed and concise, Behnaz Sarafpour's Fall 2009 show was every bit as lady like as the upper East side women that adore her clothing. Pretty cut out dresses and rich, dark coats make this the ideal collection for the uptown socialite.

step right up, anna sui fall 2009

I'm not sure if I've mentioned this, but each week I spend a fair amount of time scouring the looks from Fall 2009 runway shows to bring you a little wardrobe inspiration. As you can imagine I see a lot of grey, black, heavy dark clothing, some of which I will post later. And some of it is just lovely. But you still need color in fall, perhaps even more so than you do in summer or spring. And for that I thank Anna Sui. Most of the girls in this show look like they ran away from the circus (with the exception of this lovely first dress below), which seems just darling to me. Even in fall, you need a little jest.

it's Tuesday! xo, A

trust falls

One night a few years ago my friends and I were stumbling home from a late party. We got to the door of someone's apartment, only to realize that they had left their keys at the party and had to go back while the rest of us waited. Giddy with lack of sleep and too many mixed drinks, we started laughing and running around the hallways, as college kids are wont to do on a Saturday night. Suddenly my friend Ben said "Trust falls!" as if it were the next natural progression of the night (fun fact about Ben: he is also convinced that humans evolved from bears, something we noticed when Danny accidentally went through his Google history). At first I was skeptical of his commitment to hold up his end of the deal. What if he got distracted and walked away when I was falling? Or, more likely, what if he'd just had too many beers and couldn't hold me up? But I was talked into it and of course, Ben caught me like he said he would.

Trust falls are hard for everyone, literally and figuratively, especially if you've been dropped in the past, and always in intimate relationships. Some of us have been betrayed so many times that it's hard to trust any new person, convinced that at some point they will disappoint. You look tirelessly for "signs" (this could literally be something as insignificant as an eye movement) that something is going to go wrong or that they have been or will be unfaithful emotionally or otherwise. And to some degree, being skeptical is smart. It's a good defense mechanism and a solid way to get to know one's intentions be they a friend, boyfriend/girlfriend, acquaintance or whatever else. But it can certainly be taken too far.

I've watched friends ignore clear signs of unfaithfulness in their partners simply because they were not ready to deal with it. Likewise I have seen others become so obsessed with the notion of disloyalty that they pushed their (innocent) partner away only because they were unable to believe that everything really was fine.

So how do we fix this, the Chicken Littles of us that are always waiting for the other shoe to drop (or the sky to fall)?
I think it's two steps. The first is surrounding yourself with people you know you can trust and only getting into relationships with people you feel are honest with you. Look (calmly) for warning signs in intimate relationships if you need to and pay attention to red flags if any crop up. And when/if they do, deal with them then and get out if you need to. For me, I know when I can rely on someone or not very easily. I think that instinct is inherent in all of us, but we either listen to it or we don't. If you really believe you can trust someone, then the second part is much harder: Just trust them. It will be scary and difficult and there will be times that you will be completely convinced that they are screwing you over only because of bad things that have happened to you in the past. But if you really believe in them and they really deserve your confidence and love, then everything will be fine. They will need to be patient with you but you will also have to find ways to reassure yourself that you can rely on that person and that furthermore you deserve to be with someone you trust that much. I think that this perhaps plays a big role in why it's hard for some of us to trust: we feel that we don't deserve it or that for some reason, it shouldn't be so easy. Maybe by this point, if you've been hurt many times, you think of trusting as naive or stupid. Why would you risk falling if you really in your heart believed that there would be no one there to catch you?

But when you do trust someone and they've shown you time and time again that you can rely on them, it doesn't feel so much like falling. There's no fearful looming period where you are suspended in the air, unsure of whether or not you will come back down safely. It's much more stable than that, and it actually feels really, really good. So for those of us fearful of trust falls, maybe it's time we stop thinking of them as "falls". Because when you get it right, it actually feels much more like you're finally standing on solid ground.

safe landing by lindsey marie
happy trusting...and be brave, little piglets...xo, A

is it friday yet...?

I don't know about you guys, but today has already been a doozy for me. And it's only a little past noon. Ugh. To the rescue are adorable pictures of baby animals from Sharon Montrose. I've put some of Sharon's work up before, but it's too adorable not to post twice.

Thanks to Unruly Things for reminding me of this treasure.
xo, A

a word on fear

With two shootings in two different cities, two days in a row, it's hard not to be reminded of the delicate and potentially ephemeral state of life. My heart goes out to the wounded and to the families of the fallen. Clearly the shooting at Fort Hood will have many complicated implications as we receive more news on the killer and the motive. I do not know if it will serve only to divide our country further, but I am certain that there will be fear and hate mongers using the situation to their advantage.

9/11 happened while I was in high school and, though I was saddend and somewhat scared by it, it didn't shake me when it came to my own personal life. The reprecussions felt far away. So far away in fact that I had no problem going to New York for school only a few years later. But when national or worldwide tragedies happen now, they hit closer to home; as adults I think many of us go to the "what if that was me? or someone I know?" place when we hear about sad and tragic accidents happening. It's hard not to. Who hasn't been in a wreck, or had a friend who was in an accident? Or simply lost someone very close to them to an unexpected and too quickly moving illness?

As an undergrad student in college, after dealing with a number of issues I had no control over coupled with a stressful living environment, I began to develop panic attacks. I would suddenly begin worrying about random, irrational, horrible things that had about a .001% chance of happening to me. Within weeks they were all-consuming. For those of you that don't know, what generally happens with panic attacks is that you begin by worrying about specific things (scary or embarrassing events for example), but this moves on to just panicking about the panic attacks in general; you wonder if other people notice, you wonder if you're going to stop breathing, if you're going to faint or throw up or just generally "lose control". I can't explain it very well, but these fears feel suddenly very real and very pressing when you are having a panic attack. I suddenly became reclusive, scared and anxious all the time; the gregarious and adventuresome 18 year old who had moved to New York on her own was stricken with panic for a large part of two years. And it was an incredibly difficult thing for me to move past.

The only way I did move past it was with lots of practice, support and really learning the lesson that I have very little control in the world, but that this does not mean that I need to live my life in fear. The more that I realized that I had no control over the things that I worried about, the easier it was to let go of them, to be in the moment and to live my life instead of worrying it away. Which is a very easy lesson for some people, but for others of us it's a difficult one to grasp.

I still have moments of anxiety (like everyone); once every several months the beginning of a panic attack creeps up again but I have the tools and confidence to deal with it now, and it quickly goes away. A wise woman once told me that the only two things we really control in this world are our thoughts and our actions. So, we can think and act out of fear (warning: it totally sucks, trust me I've tried it), or we can choose to be braver than that. We can choose to live our lives away from the "What ifs".

My mother reminded me of two great words to live by last night. Uncomplicated and to the point, I think they illuminate what I'm trying to get at here: Fear not.

Have a brave and fearless weekend.

xo, A

happy friday!

Hi sweet peas. It's finally the weekend! And not a moment too soon. What are your plans for this fine evening? Tonight I get to see Where the Wild Things Are (finally) and I am blissfully plans-free for Saturday and Sunday.
Recipe of the day (maybe I should just start calling it recipe of the week...?) is this black bean pumpkin soup*. Easy, affordable to make and relatively nutritious, it's a great soup on a chilly night. Did I mention that it's delicious? And original? And that it can soooo easily be made vegatarian? Mmmm hmm. It's a keeper for sure.

girl with balloons by scarborough fair (love her)
Happy Friday lovies. xo, A


*A note on the soup: I left out the ham and used double the pumpkin and about half of the broth that was called for, so mine was a little thicker and more pumpkin-y, but the predominant taste was still black beans. Oh and I also substituted champagne vinegar for sherry vinegar because I didn't have any on hand and that was fine. Deb and Gourmet might shake their heads shamefully at me for this, but I think you could really use any wine vinegar (even just a red wine vinegar) and be fine.

stella mccartney for gap kids

Holiday season is just around the corner and I know the kiddos on your list are just as adorable and stylish as you. But where to get them affordable, stylish clothes? Enter: Stella McCartney for Gap Kids. I love these cute shots and these adorable clothes. I also love how the little girl in the pink jacket is in the EXACT same pose in two pictures. Photoshop? Or just an insane ability to stay incredibly still?

Really wishing all of this came in my size.

shoe party

The shoe candy pick for the season from my new favorite fashion blog, Refinery29, photographs quite nicely don't you think? Shoes by Dieppa Restrepo.

Look at those shoes just partying. Oh, and I found Refinery29 via Goop.